It's February, the time for love, Valentines, hearts, and flowers. For parents, we've been in love since the first day we laid eyes on our child, smelled him for the first time, nourished her for the first time, and walked the floors without sleep. To be a parent is to be in love. Do you love your child enough to do more than buy cute clothes, purchase the newest toys, and take them to events of all kinds? Do you love your child enough to say No?!
Children want and need to have boundaries. It is their first time on earth--they do not have life experience. Yet we treat them as if they do. Children who do not have boundaries in speech, actions, choices, and so forth are headed for disaster. If your child does not know how to accept boundaries and accept disappointment they will not know how to set boundaries when faced with life's tough choices.
You think that life with a preschooler or elementary child is tough? Just wait. Your child will be bombarded with the choices that come from a society that is fraught with some unsavory elements. A little foot stomping tantruming from a preschooler is a lot easier to handle than enrolling in rehab programs for drug or alcohol abuse for your young teen.
Say no to:
Bad manners- expect your child to act appropriately in social situations. Back talk, poor attitude toward adults, fussing, whining, and so forth should not be allowed. Simply say, "That is not accepted in our home or family." Then state the behavior that you want to see.
Whining/Tantrums- Again do not accept this. Whining and tantrums should be ignored. Make one statement. "I will talk to you when you are using your "big girl or big boy voice" (if this is a young child) or I will talk to you when you are speaking with respect. Then give no more attention. Parents with whiny and tantruming children have them because "It Works." Parents are too panicky or embarrassed to just not pay attention.
Power Struggles- You are the adult. Teach your child to make good choices by giving acceptable choices. "You may choose from these three outfits for school." Allow your child to make little choices as a young child and larger choices as an older child. All choices should be acceptable to you. Children can "be themselves" when they can handle it and pay for it. For example, if nose piercings are not acceptable to you ---that is your right. Be respectful. "I understand that you want a nose piercing but I feel it is not acceptable in many ways --decribe your feelings--and you may get one when you are on your own. " You do not have to fight or belittle.
Lack of Effort- Expect your child to do well. This is not to say that you expect your child to be perfect. Expect your child to put forth best effort and to work hard at all school and chosen tasks.
Giving Up- Let your child know that to not succeed is OK if best effort was put forth. Do not pull your child out of things just because they are uncomfortable. Give time and encouragement. Time and encouragement are like water and sun--they help children grow.
Me, Me, Me- Give your child an opportunity to see the world beyond themselves. Teach your child to feel what others feel and to give time to projects within the community, helping other children, and helping the world be a better place.
Waste- Teach your child to care for her world by teaching conservation of food, energy, water, materials, and so forth. Be an example, always.
So in this month of love, show the greatest love of all by preparing your child to make good choices in life by giving boundaries now.
The word discipline comes from the word disciple-to teach and embrace. Teach and embrace your child to be a better person later.
